Saturday, December 1, 2012
REPUBLICANS SUFFER NERVOUS BREAKDOWN
Republican National Committee Chairman, Reince Priebus has issued an emergency call for all Republican psychiatrists to come to Washington to aid many Republicans members of the House and Senate, who have suffered nervous breakdowns after realizing that minority control of the U S Senate might be a thing of the past. Mitch McConnell has been stricken with such a bad case of stuttering after hearing that Harry Reid had plans to return to the requirement that filibusters would actually require senators to take to the floor and talk around the clock as seen in the movie “Mr. Smith Goes to Washington,” that he has been unable to utter an understandable sentence in more than twelve hours.
House majority leader John Boehner fearing that the whole weight of obstructing the government would be on his shoulders was taken with such a crying jag that he was unable even to walk. An aide said that Mr. Boehner had finally cried himself to sleep but that he was fearful of what might happen if he awakens and realizes that Harry Reid is serious about a move permitting a Senate majority to pass legislation without allowing the minority to rewrite everything to their satisfaction.
Chairman Priebus was so desperate that he has called Newt Gingrich for assistance. He believes that Newt who once held vast power before finding himself shut out of Washington, will be able to administer some serious grief counseling to distraught Republicans.
Dr. Sigmund Sigmund, the little known descendant of the great Viennese shrink said that the Republicans were in extremely serious perils, having suffered two dire set backs in less than a month. They still have not recovered from the shatteringly unexpected lost of the Presidential contest at the beginning of November and now they have to realize that they are faced with the trauma of not being in absolute control of the government.
Dr. SS suggested that the Republicans might be faced with overcoming the infantile omnipotency complex described by his illustrious ancestor. He explained that Freud had described the world of the new born as a place that catered to its every need. When the baby is hungry or soiled, he simply has to cry and someone rushes to attend to his needs. When the infant finally begins to realize that he is only one of many persons with a multitude of needs, it can be a difficult period for the little tyke.
Sources said that Paul Ryan has run into the gym and has been exercising nonstop for most of the day. Several aides have tried to talk him into taking a rest, but he insists that he must train to run a three minute mile. Dr. SS said that it was one of the worst cases of denial that he had ever seen.
Chairman Priebus has cancelled all press appearances for the next couple of days for all elected Republicans. When asked if he would call on the services of Carl Rove, Priebus said that Carl Rove had best attend to Carl Rove.
© Roger G McCorkle